Melancholy Musings (or why I’m still a teenage girl, no matter what my age is)

I’ve been done with classes and exams for almost two weeks, and an unhealthy amount of the time I’ve spent has been thinking about somebody I should not be spending that much time thinking about.  Wondering what he’s doing, why he hasn’t responded to the text or gchat I sent, if he’s thinking about me.  Wondering if I seem too needy, too clinging, especially given the nature of our relationship.  The fact that it probably doesn’t occur to him to think about me.  Then I get annoyed that he’s taking up so much of my thoughts and so many pages in my notebooks, that I can’t seem to just put him aside.

I tend to over-think a lot of things anyway, but especially where there are emotions involved.  There’s no good reason for this, it doesn’t do a whole lot of good, but it’s something I’ve done for as long as I can remember having complicated feelings.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s more entertaining and enjoyable than thinking about the note I’m supposed to be writing to try to get on a law school journal, no matter how upset it makes me.  But it’s about as productive as a hamster running on a wheel.  

And I know how to fix it, that’s the worst part.  All I have to do is say “dude, seriously, can you tell me what’s up, and what you think, and if you’re as bothered by this as I am?  Because I can’t do this all anymore, something needs to change, and you tell me what but we should either go forwards or backwards.”  But of course that isn’t going to happen.  I’ll continue to wonder, and strategically plan what I say and when, and be utterly pathetic.  

Maybe I’m just emotionally stunted, maybe I need to suck it up and put my big girl pants on.  Or maybe the majority of young twenty-somethings act like middle school girls on occasion, when thinking about that one particular guy.  

I wish I could figure him out.


Woah, I have a blog!!

I hadn’t totally forgotten but I guess I’ve been neglectful and not updating.  I had all sorts of stuff planned to put up here but that clearly didn’t happen.  I’d like to get back into writing though, and have a record of this part of my life (which is wonderful and exciting but also difficult and confusing).

Anyway, here’s a brief summary of what I’ve been up to since June 2011 (dang it has been awhile, sorry to anybody who this was the only way they could follow what I was doing…which I don’t think is anybody…)

  • I graduated from Purdue!  I’ve got a nifty biochemistry degree saying that I know how to do science…
  • Took some classes in food policy, got hooked, presented in DC about ways to get people to buy and eat more fruits and vegetables.  Look out for updates on this topic in the future-I LOVE to talk about it and I think I bore a lot of my friends when I yammer on about food/agriculture issues.  
  • Made a pretty research poster and presented my data at the poster symposium!  (This was a process, there might be some design-focused stuff here soon, as I tend to like to talk about everything although I am by no means an expert at anything).  
  • Spent a summer loafing about in California, looking for a job, and writing trivia questions to fill my time.  

Aaaaaaand the big one…I started law school!  It’s been wonderful and amazing and terrible and impossible and just about everything else at one point or another, but hands down I would do it all again in a heartbeat.  I finally found a place where I feel I really belong, I’m doing what I love, and I’m surrounded by some of the best friends a girl could want (not that my friends from not-law-school aren’t wonderful, I still love you all I promise!!  I just honestly don’t think I could have gotten through my first semester without the amazing people I met).

Right now I’m on spring break, which means I’m out visiting the boy-toy and he’s at work all day while I’m doing the job search/working on homework/watching game of thrones and downton abbey so I plan on writing some more in detail about a couple of things (law related mostly, because I am a huge nerd).


Summer Musings

Every time I see someone has posted a new blog entry about their exciting summer adventures, my mind goes through the same general thought process:  1) huh, wonder what they’re up to, 2) read blog entry, 3) sounds like they’re having fun, I wish I was doing something that exciting, 4) I should write about my summer too!  And then I mean to and then I get distracted.  Blame everybody and their cool adventures.

Luckily, my days aren’t overly exciting, or my time would be taken up reading about other people’s cool adventures, and then going and having cool adventures of my own.  No such luck here, as I’m still in West Lafayette, and thus far I’ve spent the vast majority of my time in two places.  The majority of my intended awake time is spent in a research lab, which is less than thrilling as it’s the lab I’ve been going to most days for almost a year.  That said, lab work in the summer seems completely different than it does during the year, simply because everybody is there all day.  That seems sort of backwards (shouldn’t things get more boring the longer you do them?) but because everybody is there, it’s much more collaborative, no more hurrying in, doing your task, and leaving without saying a word to anybody.  Now it’s do your work, talk about it, get some insight on how to do it better, as well as some perspective.  While knowing that there’s lots of people working on offshoots of the same project can make it seem less “important” (my work isn’t unique!  I’m not the sole studier of this phenomena!  IF I DISCOVER SOMETHING IT PROBABLY WON’T BE NAMED SOLELY AFTER ME!)  it also makes it seem more concrete and more potentially “impactful” (clearly this isn’t a random project given to me by somebody who couldn’t think of anything else, as several people’s work would be affected by the outcome).

Despite all the learning and collaboration, there are boring moments (you want me to separate HOW MANY seeds onto plates without breathing on them?!) But overall it seems worth it when you consider the precious commodities available to me in lab that aren’t where I spend most of the rest of my time.  Case in point:  internet and air conditioning.

Ok, technically, the apartment where I’m living has both.  Sort of, I think.  It definitely technically has air conditioning.  As in, one unit in the front room that does very little to cool my room all the way in the back, even with the door wide open (which is a very strange way to sleep, in case you were wondering).  The internet is where things get fuzzy.  Technically we don’t have any.  But thanks to some generous girls on the first floor, we get it mostly, although it’s slow and sort of unreliable.  It works better than the air conditioning, though, so I guess technically we have both, although it doesn’t always feel like that.

But how does college in the summer compare to college during the year?  It doesn’t really.  There aren’t nearly as many people here, the roads are all torn up with construction, and I haven’t found anywhere open 24 hours (although I haven’t looked really extensively).  That doesn’t mean it’s not a good way to spend the summer, it’s just more laid back than the school year, for better and for worse.

I guess since I don’t actually have anything substantial to say I should stop rambling at you.  At least until there’s some sort of development worth discussing, which hasn’t happened yet, assuming you don’t want to hear about Arabidopsis and it’s variations.

What are your summer plans, and what do you like/dislike about what you’re doing or where you’re living?

Spring break love

What do I love this spring break?  Let me see…

1) My Kindle.

I got a Kindle for Christmas and I absolutely LOVE it.  It’s so light and full of wonderful book goodness.  And I can download new books whenever I want, and a lot of them are free.  Also, it LOOKS LIKE A BOOK.  I love tech as much as the next person (mostly, besides the dude, who without a doubt loves it more) but sometimes I get sick of staring at freaking screens.  The Kindle is such a nice break from that.  I’m not trying to hawk a kindle, but SERIOUSLY, you guys, check them out.

2) Nothing to do.

While I have a wonderful 12 page paper I need to get started, as well as some analysis for lab, I’ve done pretty much nothing over the last two days.  It has been so nice.  But I’m starting to get sick of it, and rejoin the world of productive people.

3) Eating yummy food.

Being home means I can pretty much eat all the delicious stuff not available to me during the school year.  Like the wonderful delicious cajun Yats.  YUM.

That’s all I can think of now.  Break is great though.

What are your favorite lazy indulgences?

Exams are yucky

I’m taking a break from my (semi-)regular pseudo-serious and insightful content (that sounds really pretentious, but I don’t mean it to be!  I just try to write so that it will be interesting) because being a student is hard.


This week has been especially intense, so that I feel like I should be making this face all the time.  Which is the “I’ve walked around all day in heels and my feet hurt and you’re going to make me go walk some more!” face.  But approximates how I felt after the physical chemistry exam I just endured.


Next week is spring break, so hopefully I’ll be feeling more like this:

This is when I went to Sanibel, FL with two of my best friends for spring break.  While I’m not going anywhere for spring break this year, I do hope to relax and come back refreshed, as well as to hopefully get a lot of random things done and be insanely productive.

I like to aim high and then be disappointed when I sit on my lazy butt all the time.

What are your plans for spring break, or for next week?

Music Map

Due to my inherent need to procrastinate (I’m looking at you, P.chem exam!!) I find a lot of random, but very interesting, things on the internet.  One such discovery was this music map. It’s really interesting from a number of points of view.

Full disclosure: I don’t know jack squat about programming, or computer languages, so that part went totally over my head.  But I do understand music, and I do understand the connections in music, so I was extremely surprised to find that classical music pretty much existed on its own little island. Continue reading

Why do we science?

As a student in the life sciences, I struggle often with determining the point of what I’m doing.  I had to ask my research advisor at least three times what the point of my research project was, and I’m still not totally sure I understand.  I’m often told that “knowledge for the sake of knowledge, discovery for the sake of discovery” should really be the point, but I really have a lot of difficulty getting behind that.  Sure, what I’m doing in the lab is interesting, but will it really help people?  I’m not sure.  Is that a sign I maybe shouldn’t be a scientist?  Potentially.

That’s why it was so encouraging to find this earlier this evening.  Unfortunately, the sound on my computer is on the fritz at the moment, so I haven’t actually been able to watch the video yet.  But even the section that was transcribed was incredibly interesting and insightful, and I can’t wait until it gets fixed so that I can watch it and gain a more in-depth understanding about what Neil deGrasse Tyson is trying to get across.

I find it refreshing to look at my research project in a new way.  I don’t necessarily have to be doing something that directly relates to solving cancer in order to improve the world.  I can see the practical applications to what I’m doing, but only in  a very abstract way.  It’s hard not to compare yourself to your friend working in a cancer lab when you’re counting seeds on a plant.

Science is as science does, and it all helps humanity in some way, even if the final application isn’t there yet.  It’s important to keep that in mind, and help to put everything in perspective.

I’ll be back with more thoughts on the entire video as soon as I can get my sound up and running.