I know, I know, another cliche New Years post is probably not the best way to start off a brand new blog. But recently, I’ve been feeling trapped in routine and monotony, despite the exciting things that have been going on in my life. I’ve been struggling with confidence and loneliness recently, two things that I am determined to change this year.
My issues with confidence are complex, as I’m sure most are. I know I’m an awesome, gorgeous person, exceptional in many areas. But knowing in the abstract and feeling in the moment are completely different things. I think the bulk of this problem stems from the constant push to compete, whether in school, music, or socially. Some of these things have a clearly defined criteria for being “best,” but others are more subjective. For instance, how do you determine which of two people is prettier? Overall, you can’t really, because everybody is going to have a different opinion. In things like this, it’s important to realize that just because other people are beautiful doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful.
The loneliness problem is all jumbled up in my head. I have tons of good friends who I love to do things with, but sometimes I need alone time, which at the end leaves me feeling lonely. I like to be surrounded by people, not quite the center of attention, but almost. This past semester was really difficult as a number of people really close to me were far away. Some of them will be much closer this coming semester, but they won’t be there forever, and it’s important to separate the need to physically interact with people and to communicate with people, the latter being much more important.
That’s all well and good, but why the need to post it on the internet, which is already filled with similar posts? In hopes that taking time to do something purely for my own enjoyment will work to make me happy. That creating something that other people might look to for advice or inspiration will go far in terms of addressing lingering confidence issues. That being in contact with the entire world via the internet (although the entire world will probably never stumble on my little corner of the internet, it’s still there for anybody to see) will help me form connections. And that by really looking at the problems that exist in my life, instead of burying them under something less challenging in the back of my mind, will help me better fix them.
Allie Grace ❤